The thing about July 13th is that on my family calendar, it looks just like any other day. In fact it is incredibly unchanged from what it would have read 3 years ago. If I were to go back and compare July 13, 2018 and today July 13, 2021 the 2 versions of those calendars would both say: "exercise"; "camp drop off"; "work".
It isn’t written on my calendar today, but it is here in my mind pretty much all day. Today, July 13, 2021 is my 3 year anniversary of suffering a Grand Mal Seizure that landed me in hospital with a brain cancer diagonosis. Today I will remember and move through all the moments of that day; the things I had happily planned on the calendar as well as all the moments that struck me out of the blue, unplanned and unwelcomed: the scary physical sensations, the sights and sounds and conversations, the terror and the questions… all the questions.
I still don’t know the best way to spend this day nor the best way to move through the memories and the emotions that arise. After all, it is just another day on the calendar with exercise, camp drop off & pick up and work to do.
But its NOT just another day. I know I don’t want to celebrate this day the way I celebrate Luke and Eva’s birthdays or Mike and my wedding anniversary. I do want to honor it as the day 3 years ago that our life changed traumatically. but Somehow I do also want to celebrate it as this day 3 years later when I can allow the memories and emotions to come and then pass to make make room for camp pick up and exercise and work.